Press On

The sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Rom. 8:18)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2Cor. 4:16-18)

Suffering will not last forever, but glory will. Have you weighed the cost of quitting? We imagine we cannot endure anymore. We are tired, frustrated, maybe despairing. We simply want the pain to end, to escape the misery that seems to constantly accompany us. But our present adversity is light and but for a moment in comparison to the weight of eternal glory that lies ahead.

Christians should not tell themselves lies. “I can’t take it anymore. I can’t put up with it.” But that is never true. No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it (1Cor. 10:13). The Lord enables his people to endure, and to say that we cannot would be to call God a liar.

We must repudiate lies and preach truth to ourselves.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Php. 4:13)

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. (Php. 1:21)

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Gal. 2:20)

There will be days when we think we cannot make it, cannot go on, cannot survive a moment longer. But our times are in the Lord’s hand. He wrote every day of our lives in a book before the first one began (Ps. 139:16), and he wrote the end of our story too. Frodo expected to perish on Mount Doom, but the author had more work for him to do before he would depart to find rest in the Grey Havens.

Most of us give-up far too easily, much too quickly, and if we did not, if we have endured for so long, why would we now choose to abandon the effort having come this far? Finish well. The Lord has not called you to suffer forever. He has called you to everlasting joy! Will sorrow, difficulty, and discouragement keep you from receiving it? Having suffered so much, will you abandon hope as well?

Let every ache, pain, disappointment, discouragement, betrayal, and failure remind you that better days lie ahead. Rather than discourage us so that we quit, suffering should be the catalyst that drives us onward. We have not suffered so much only to suffer forever. We will not surrender our hope for the life that is to come. Pain and sorrow may accompany us in this life, but it will not follow us into the next. The Lord has called us to glory, and by God’s grace, we will persevere and enter in. --JME

One Year Ago

One year ago today, the Lord spared the lives of both of our daughters. One year ago today, he protected them in a car crash that profoundly affected their lives. One year ago today, one daughter’s back was broken, but God did not allow her to be paralyzed. If the impact had been one or two seconds later, Hannah would almost certainly not have survived the crash. Instead she walked away mostly unharmed. If Ellen Beth had stayed upright in her seat rather than diving to the middle to protect herself, she might have only been bruised rather than having a fractured spine. If only, but the Lord was in control of it all. He superintended every second of that terrible day: the terror as the van suddenly appeared accelerating through a red light, the crash that destroyed their car and spun it in the intersection, the moments immediately after as Ellen Beth screamed and Hannah jumped out to pull her from the car, the gas pooling around the vehicle, Ellen Beth’s legs that would not work, the young men from the oil change shop on the corner who ran with blankets to help, the nurse from Children’s Hospital who was right behind them and who ran from her car to render aid at the scene. Every moment, every aspect, everything about that day was governed and guided by the sovereign providence of a God who is almighty and all-loving, ever-present, and yet transcendent. The girls had nightmares for a long time; they still sometimes do. Ellen Beth spent two weeks in the hospital, three months in a wheelchair, and lives with pain in her back every day to this day, one year later. But they survived. And God used it for good, just as he promised to do.

It would be inappropriate for me to name every way that day has changed our family and our daughters’ lives. This is far too public a forum for that. Perhaps those details will be recalled on Judgment Day or remembered in glory. But there are some things that can and should be said. After all, when God promises to “work all things together for the good of those who love him,” he does not promise we will always see that work with our own eyes. We see the fulfillment of that promise by faith, but we will enter glory still ignorant of just how many ways that promise proved true so that we might be fitted for glory.

Ellen Beth was an accomplished baker and pastry artist when a reckless driver ran a red light and changed her life. She had two years of professional training, a national industry certification, and a growing home business making custom cakes. Two weeks in the hospital convinced her God had a different path for her life. She wanted to help other people the way so many helped her during a dark and painful time. She thought, she prayed, we watched, and we waited. By the time she got out of the wheelchair, she knew her future lay in healthcare. By summer she was volunteering at a local hospital, obtaining CPR certification, and applying for a nursing assistant program. A few weeks ago she passed her state boards to become a licensed nursing assistant, and she has been hired to begin work at the same local hospital. Now she is registering for prerequisite courses in the Spring semester and plans to apply to nursing school. There is no way to know how many people she has already encouraged, comforted, and helped by her volunteer work, during her clinicals, and just by allowing us to tell her story. There is no way to know how many lives she will positively impact as a patient care technician and, perhaps one day, our Lord willing, as a registered nurse. But God knows. He knows every one of them. And every one of those touches are the result of a reckless driver running a red light and nearly killing both of my daughters.

We were blessed to have two daughters that were exceptionally accomplished and mature even before the crash. But there is no question that day changed them. They are wiser. Their souls have grown older. They experienced horror that day. There was no way to save them from it. Pulling your sister out of a mangled car as gasoline pools at your feet leaves a scar they will carry forever. They tasted terror, and they saw the goodness of God, his nearness, his power, his presence. They no longer have to fear disaster; they’ve already been there, and they found their Savior was there ahead of them, standing on top of the water in the midst of the storm. He was waiting for them in that intersection because he knew what would happen. He would not allow them to face it alone. He did not keep them from danger and fear, but he held their hand and led them safely through it. I do not know what hardships lie ahead of my daughters, but I can imagine there will be many if the Lord prolongs their lives. But I do not fear whatever they may face. They have experienced God’s hard providence, and it led them to a greater trust and a closer walk with Christ.

Thank you to all who have prayed for us, encouraged us, and helped us in countless ways over the last year. Ellen Beth has daily pain from her back, but she does not use any prescription pain medication and has not had to in a very long time. She manages the pain with weekly acupuncture, electrical stimulation, heat and ice, and regular exercise. She is training hard, working hard, studying hard, and living with joy. The crash and injury did not rob her of her delight with life, and it has not robbed us of the joy of her smile. Her cheeks still cramp from laughing almost every day. Our home is full of laughter even after so many tears. Our lives will never be the same, but God has used that fateful day one year ago and the months following to draw us closer to himself and better fit us for everlasting glory.

One year ago today, the Lord spared both of our daughters. He did not have to. If he had taken them instead, his promises would still be true, and he would still be good. But he spared them, and we are thankful. Praise be his holy Name.

--Joel & Kirstie

Providence at the Precipice

The Lord had already declared the world’s destruction when he instructed Noah to begin building the Ark. The patriarch and his family were shut inside the vessel just one week before every other living creature which dwelt on the land died. They didn’t even have time for a training voyage or to perform buoyancy tests. To call this cutting it close would be an understatement, but actually, Noah was given more of a cushion than many of the saints whom the Lord rescued throughout redemptive history.

Angels grabbed Lot by the hand and literally dragged him from the city of Sodom as fire began to fall from the sky. Joseph was already in the pit and his brothers were preparing to murder him when a band of traders just happened to pass by. The Egyptian army was already within striking distance when the children of Israel found themselves trapped by the sea, and only a pillar of divine fire prevented Israel’s slaughter before the Lord miraculously parted the waters and led his people through on dry land. Manna fell every morning for six days, but except for the sixth no one was able to gather more than one day’s worth. There was no taking a day off from gathering food every morning. The cupboards were bare. A decision to sleep in rather than going out to gather manna was a decision to fast for the rest of the day. How many more stories could we name? Time would fail us if we recited the wilderness battle against Amalek which appeared to depend on Moses’ deltoids, or the experience of Joshua and Israel at Jericho, or multiple stories from the time of the judges, such as Samson who won his greatest victory at the moment of his defeat, or David’s near death experiences on countless occasions, when there was no more than a step (or a slung stone) between him and certain death, or the experiences of the prophets who suffered, fasted, and struggled mightily before seeing God’s hand of blessing. We could speak of Jesus and the apostles or the numberless stories of saints in Church history who were at the very precipice of disaster when God’s blessing appeared. Some of them did not survive the crisis, but their experience became the occasion for some of God’s greatest acts of kindness, revival, and redemption to be seen.

What should we think when circumstances in our lives, our families, the visible Church, or the broader world seem on the verge of disaster? Should we reassure ourselves that everything will work out fine? Tell that to Samson as the stones of the Philistine temple fell on his head, crushing his skull, and ushering him into the spirit realm. Should we imagine that nothing bad will ever happen? Explain that to the martyrs who were tortured and killed for their faith in Christ. Explain it to faithful parents who watched their children die of the plague or to believing parents today who have held their children after the last breath left their bodies. Let’s not be so foolish as to think the health and prosperity heresy has any credibility at all. If what those snake oil salesmen are peddling is Christianity, then we are all going to Hell.

What we can know, what we must remember, is that God loves to provide for his people when they are poised on the precipice. “Give us this day our daily bread.” Not “give us this first day of the month everything we will need until the next paycheck.” God does not make support payments once a month or every two weeks; he cuts support checks every day, usually sometime after you realize you don’t have enough, cannot tough it out, and probably won’t survive. That is when he shows up. That is when redemption and revival and reformation happen: when the King is already dead, his body wrapped in linen and laid in a tomb, and a large stone set against the opening and sealed so that no one can open it. No one can open the door to God’s blessing from the outside. Jesus opens the door to the glories of grace from inside the tomb. He did not save us from dying. He saved us by defeating death from within it. Things don’t get better until they are really, catastrophically, “only God can fix this and even that seems like a stretch,” bad. That is when he shows up, when we know we cannot save ourselves. When we know it was not our brilliance, our strength, or our three hundred warriors. It was the Lord. It could only be him. Father, give us today what we need for today, and help us to trust you for whatever we may face tomorrow. --JME

Cheerful Annoyance

Is it possible to be frustrated by circumstances, annoyed by difficulties, concerned about possibilities, and cheerful at the same time? Not only is it possible, to whatever extent the former may be appropriate, to the same extent the latter must be mandatory. We often speak of Christian joy as an attitude based on objective, transcendent, and immutable realities. In other words, Christians rejoice in all circumstances because God’s Word and work is true and unchangeable. Our peace, joy, and hope are grounded in who God is, what Christ has done, and what he has promised to his people. Christian joy is a conviction, decision, and disposition, not an emotion. We can and should rejoice no matter our present circumstances or how we feel at any given point in time. But we must be careful not to divorce this spiritual joy from temporal and personal emotions. The two are distinguishable, but not separable; they are different, but closely related. Christian joy is a decision, expressed in action, and it will transform our emotions.

The Christian’s joy is an attitude that gives priority to what is eternally true over whatever may seem, feel, or even be true at a given moment. My shoulder is sore, but Christ endured the pain of Hell and quenched God’s wrath against my sin forever. Both are true. Which truth will dominate my heart and mind and determine my attitude today? My child fell ill with the same chronic affliction that has been a defining feature of my life for more than 31 years, but Jesus has promised to return and put an end to the curse, to heal every sickness among his people, and to wipe away every tear from our eyes. Both are true. Which truth will I meditate upon each day? I sometimes feel as though my work as a minister accomplishes very little, that hours spent in study, teaching, and pastoral care make almost no difference in the lives of God’s saints, that these labors are no more than beautiful music that people love to listen to but which makes no difference in their lives, but the Lord has urged his servants on to steadfastness, called us to labor for the glory of God and not for earthly fame or fruit, and assured us that no labor in Christ’s Name will ever be in vain. No matter how I may sometimes feel about ministerial labors, I must choose whether to walk by faith or by feelings. Faith is determined by God’s Word, not the ups and downs of my emotional experience. Walking by feelings makes my ever-changing emotional state the arbiter of truth and determiner of reality rather than the revealed Word of God. Who knows what will be true on any given day if my feelings decide it.

I did not inherit a cheerful disposition as a biological birthright, and I can’t say it was modeled particularly well in my formative years. But God has called his saints to joy, not to lives of sorrow, and so even though there must be tribulations and many tears will be shed on the way to Zion, believers have a duty to fight for joy and to deliberately delight in the things of God. When our complaints are set in the context of Scripture and the historical experience of God’s people, most are revealed to be pathetic and rather petty. I do not mean that we should be naively perky and oblivious to the real suffering in our world. It is not spiritual to laugh when we ought instead to weep. “In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

We will have tribulation in this life, but we can and should be of good cheer in the midst of it. How is this possible? By remembering and rejoicing in the fact our Savior has overcome the world. This is not naive optimism; it is Christian optimism or cheerful realism. Jesus has come and has overcome sin, death, and sorrow. That changes everything. The world is not getting worse, even if certain segments of human society are or appear to be. The world is not going to Hell in a handbasket, only the ungodly are being sent there. Jesus is keeping the world for his Church and preparing a renovation project like you have never seen. Our bodies may accumulate aches and pains, but this is only the approaching death of a decaying form that will soon be reborn and renewed in immortality. Our hope is not escape but resurrection. We do not surrender the field to the enemy; we wait for the King who comes to claim and clear the ground he has already won.

Do we really think our pains, political chaos, or public degradation are worthy of comparison with what Christ has already begun and will one day conclude? We should be realistic, yes, and not oblivious to the real suffering, sin, and sorrows that characterize our pilgrim life. But we should also be cheerful, even when troubled. Not embittered, not depressed, and certainly not fearful. I may be annoyed by my present circumstances, but by God’s grace I can and should be cheerfully annoyed and able to smile in the darkness because the morning has dawned. --JME

Dodging Bullets

Twice I have had a suspected exposure to COVID, twice I have been tested, twice I have quarantined while awaiting results, and now twice I have been cleared. Early Monday morning the family I visited over the weekend received an all-clear from their COVID test, and a few hours later my own results confirmed the same. Evidently there are still some things that can make a person ill besides the Coronavirus. We are relieved, on multiple fronts. First and foremost, we are thankful the affected family is negative and hope the symptoms experienced over the weekend will not become severe or extend for as long as COVID infections sometimes do. Second, we are relieved my test also was clear. If theirs had been positive and mine had been negative, I would have felt obligated to obtain a second negative test before traveling to Presbytery later this week. But since both of our tests showed no evidence of COVID, I feel comfortable sealing myself into a metal tube and breathing recycled air with a group of strangers while flying to southern California. (I may have COVID by the time I disembark the plane, but at least I won’t bring it on the plane with me.) Third, we are happy my COVID test came back so quickly. My first some months ago took exactly 14 days. This one took less than 30 hours. For all of these blessings and many more, we sincerely thank God.

At this point some might be thinking I dodged a bullet, again. Despite my obvious foolishness in visiting ICU rooms and skilled nursing facilities to minister to residents, I have managed to escape multiple times unscathed. God alone knows how many times his secret providence kept me safe from much nearer misses and more serious scrapes. But I assure you I never dodged the bullet. I wouldn’t know how. It’s not like bullets can be faked out by juking and jiving, and I’m much too inflexible to pull off a realtime back-bending stunt like a messiah figure in a sci-fi film. I have never dodged any of the bullets the world, my enemies, and our mutual adversary have fired at me. But by God’s grace, this time as often before, I was spared.

First Kings 22 is a remarkable story which features one of Scripture’s greatest prophets and the death of one of its most villainous villains. King Ahab of Israel proposed to King Jehoshaphat of Judah that they team up to recapture Ramoth Gilead from the Syrians. Ahab realized he was not the most popular fellow in Syria, so he suggested that Jehoshaphat wear his royal robes while Ahab disguised himself as a common soldier. Jehoshaphat--kind-hearted, unsophisticated, not the sharpest arrow in the quiver, southerner that he was--thought this was a splendid idea, so while he put on his fine apparel, with the special red circle on the front and back of his robe, Ahab put on nondescript armor, a helmet, and climbed into a chariot, the ancient equivalent of rolling into battle inside a tank. Sure enough, the Syrian soldiers were particularly interested in identifying Ahab that day. He was the only prize worth finding. When the Syrians saw Jehoshaphat, they assumed it was the king of Israel. They gave chase like a mad sea captain after a white whale, but when they saw it was not Ahab, they lost interest and turned back. About this time a Syrian warrior named Random Archer drew his bow and fired an arrow into the Israelite lines. The arrow flew into Ahab’s chariot, slid between the joints of his armor, and pierced him deeply, inflicting a mortal wound. What an incredible shot! R. Archer must have been one of the most masterful marksmen in the history of the world. But actually, the Bible says he drew the bow “at random.” In other words, he fired blindly. He didn’t aim at anyone in particular. He just released an arrow at the enemy hoping it would hit someone. Sure enough, it did.

Now you may say that was a lucky shot or that R. Archer was a better artilleryman than he thought, but neither luck nor the human operator had anything to do with it. That arrow went where God told it to, and that day, he told it to bury itself in Ahab. Ahab couldn’t dodge it, even if he had seen it coming. It had his name on it, and no evasive maneuver could thwart its deadly purpose. There was not an arrow, spear, or sword that day that could harm King Jehoshaphat, no matter how skillful the warrior who wielded it. And there wasn’t a piece of armor, battlefield vehicle, or bodyguard that could save Ahab from certain death. God had made the appointment, and Ahab would keep it.

God’s servants aren’t always spared injury from the arrows and bullets fired by the enemy. Good King Josiah later died on the field of battle. Almost all of Yahweh’s prophets and apostles had their lives ended violently at the hands of godless men. Serving Christ is no guarantee you will not fall in battle. On the contrary, it guarantees you will be sent there and have arrows and bullets sent with malice in your direction. You cannot dodge them, so don’t bother trying to figure out how. You can usually tell you are nearing your mission target when the antiaircraft fire begins punching holes in your plane. The good news is that until the moment God has appointed, the bullets the enemy fires cannot harm you. They are lousy shots. Like Storm Troopers, they couldn’t hit the broadside of a Star Destroyer.

You can trust God to guide the enemy fire, to lead you safely through the fusillade, and not to allow any harm to come to you, even in death, except what he will use for his glory and your good. This is the confidence we have before him. The enemy’s fury and fire never was what endangered us. It was God’s wrath we justly faced and should have rightly feared. But Jesus took that barrage on himself. He quenched the fury of God’s wrath against our sin, and there is no longer any judgment for those who trust in him as Savior and Lord. So don’t worry about dodging bullets. They obey the direction of a higher power. God’s saints don’t dodge bullets; the enemy’s bullets dodge the saints of God. --JME

Fear, Frustrations, and Faith

Here I am at home on the Lord’s Day, again, not because I am sick, not because a member of my family has proven to be, but because of a potential exposure to COVID and caution while awaiting test results. This is the second time this has happened this year. I hope it is the last. But it may not be. The truth is any one of us could be exposed to COVID or any number of other dangerous pathogens on almost any day of the week. I interact with countless people from Monday to Saturday, some in close proximity, and not all of them masked. I could easily contract COVID or the flu or pink eye or head lice from any number of sources or the bipedal petri dishes known as children. But Saturday afternoon a pastoral house call placed me in proximity to someone who thought they had a simple head cold. We stayed more than 6 feet apart the entire time. I didn’t even give them a fist bump of fellowship or that weird chicken wing thing all of the older folks at church want me to do. When my host spiked a fever not long after my departure and a trip to Urgent Care warned that the symptoms sounded a lot like COVID, I was informed and the elders had to make a decision on a Saturday evening about my participation on the Lord’s Day, which is how I came to worship at home with my family this morning wearing a t-shirt and cargo shorts. (You’ll be glad to know it was a Christian t-shirt with the text of John 1:1 printed on the front in Greek.)

I confess that I am more than a little fatigued and frustrated with our continuing COVID-craziness. I don’t doubt the virus is real and constitutes a real threat to the health and wellbeing of a certain percentage of the population. I have friends and family members who have been ill with it. I have presided at a funeral which resulted from it. But panic-stirring by the media, dubious reporting of cases numbers and deaths, and opportunistic overreach by government authorities in the midst of the “pandemic” make it hard to accept the ongoing level of popular fear concerning sickness. As hard as it may be to believe, some people still get sick from illnesses other than COVID. Some people cough because they have allergies. And most people who contract COVID--the overwhelming majority, in fact--will have very mild symptoms, if any, and recover fully and relatively quickly. God appointed the day of our birth and the hour and exact means of our death long before any of us came into this world (Ps. 139:16). He may have commissioned COVID to kill some of us, but it is certain the virus cannot change in any respect his original plan.

There are terrible dangers at present, but infection by COVID is among the least of them. There is the danger of anxiety and fear, constant worry about our health and lives, as if this will preserve us from harm or help us in any way. Your blood pressure may be in greater danger from worrying about COVID than your lungs are from the virus itself. There is the danger of fear causing us to withdraw from each other, making us reluctant to love, connect, and support when and where our brethren and neighbors need us to. It is not surprising that domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicides have all spiked since the COVID crisis, lockdowns, and social distancing began. There is also the danger of callous carelessness, of arrogance masquerading as faith which prompts us to behave foolishly and so cause harm to those most vulnerable around us. I interact every week with a number of elderly persons, some in their 80s and 90s, and at least one who is 102. Of course it is possible God decreed long ago that I would be the germ carrier to transmit fatal disease to one of these persons, but I would rather assume he appointed me the careful, thoughtful pastor to love, pray with, and encourage them as a herald of Christ rather than a harbinger of death. I have a social responsibility to my neighbor, and even if the risks are small, I don’t randomly fire guns into the air since what goes up must eventually come down, and who knows on whose head it may land.

Last night when we made the decision that I would stay home today, I was not happy. It was not forced upon me. I made the decision, with the ruling elders’ counsel and blessing. But I was not happy about it then, and I am not happy about it now. (Just ask my wife. I’ve been in a bad mood ever since. On second thought, don’t ask her. Just go on believing I am never grumpy.) I could rationalize being in the assembly. I could stay ten feet away from everyone. The chance of my infection is small. We don’t even know the person I met with has the virus. Maybe we’re all worrying about nothing! But if I did contract the virus, and if someone else at the church became ill, even if not as a result of contact with me, it would be reasonable to ask why I didn’t simply stay home. So I did, and even if I am not happy about it, I don’t doubt it was the right thing to do in this case.

Now let’s take that rationale one step further back. Why didn’t I simply stay home yesterday rather than making a house call when someone had a cold? The family made it clear they would be willing to talk on the phone or over Zoom. It’s not as though I had to be there to shake hands or hug as we prayed; we didn’t have any physical contact. We could have stayed miles apart and simply touched our computer screens in a gesture of e-fellowship. I visit and pray with people by phone and video every week, and I’m sure I will continue to do so. But God called me to be a pastor, and shepherds can’t protect, feed, and lead their flock by digital interface from the safety of headquarters. A shepherd sleeps in the field with his sheep. He faces the same weather, the same predators, and the same rough terrain that the flock must endure. I suppose I could create a policy not to make house calls if anyone is sick, even if they think it is only a cold. But that will make it difficult to answer calls from the hospital to come and minister to strangers. They never seem to go to the hospital when they are well, and they rarely call an unknown pastor to come and pray for them until they are dying.

If we assume every sniffle is COVID, we will live constantly in an unhealthy (and sinful) state of fear. If we disregard credible symptoms when they appear, then we endanger our neighbor in an irresponsible (and sinful) way. Both I and the family I visited were trying to navigate competing concerns yesterday. They were not irresponsible to ask their pastor to come, and I remain unconvinced I was irresponsible to go. Our society conditions us to assign blame whenever something unfortunate or inconvenient happens, but this is foolish and unprofitable. We should rather take reasonable precautions, trust each outcome is governed by the sovereign providence of God, and live with reverent (not reckless) abandon.

We will know in a day or two whether there was really any danger to my attending worship today. If there was not, some will second guess my decision to stay home. Some are probably already second guessing the choices that put me potentially in harm’s way. I sympathize with your frustration. I always second guess everything. But that is no more commendable or useful than the person who has no rearview mirror and never re-examines his choices or learns anything from his mistakes. You cannot drive safely forward if you only ever look in the mirror behind you, and if you never look in the mirror behind you, you are the kind of driver who will run over debris, dogs, and other drivers to the detriment of your own journey and those around you. Listen, look, learn, but continue to live. The life God calls us to is an adventure. Meditating on fear and frustration will only be an impediment to living that adventure with joyful faith.--JME

God's Power, Purpose, and Promise in Suffering

Cheer Up, It Could be a Brain Tumor

Ever since I announced that I and several members of our family had been tested for COVID last week, I have received daily inquiries about how we are feeling and whether we are symptomatic. I am grateful for the concern and completely flummoxed as to how to respond. After all, all of us felt fine when we were tested and in the days immediately afterwards. But over the weekend I had a mildly sore throat for a couple of days, for the last couple of days I have had a moderate headache, and several times I have felt a little winded, usually near the end of my daily run of 3-5 miles. Obviously, I must have COVID and should expect any day now to check into the ICU. Or maybe it is allergy season, maybe I had a mild cold, maybe my voice is strained from reading aloud to my kids for a couple of hours on the Lord’s Day, maybe it is hard to run 5 miles when the temperature outside has already hit 100 degrees. Then there was that monkey bite. He assured me he had not been out of the country recently, but when have you ever known a monkey to tell the truth?

How am I feeling? I’m feeling fine! Does that mean I am well? Of course not. Some of you were feeling fine just before you were diagnosed with cancer. Maybe the sore throat and headache are a sign of something very serious. Maybe I do have COVID and my symptoms will grow worse. If you are feeling unwell at all, it must be COVID. There can be no other explanation. Don’t bother me with statistics and declining mortality associated with the virus. Don’t tell me that hospitals are not overrun and that the vast majority of people, more than 99% of those under the age of elderly, are in no serious danger from this virus. Don’t bother me with facts because I have seen the news and received expert epidemiological insights from my friends on Instabook and Facegram. I know better than you that we are all going to die.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.

(Psalm 139:16)

Being born is a terminal condition. Unless Jesus returns first or you prove to be another Enoch or Elijah, every one of us is going to die someday. It may be sooner than we expect, or much later. It may be in circumstances that we will be able to anticipate, or it may catch us completely by surprise. It may result from factors we might have seemed to be able to avoid, or it might be the consequence of factors entirely out of our control. But you are going to die someday, and so am I. God already wrote every day of our lives in his book before the first day of our life began. He did not tell me how many days there will be in my story, and I don’t need to know. I only need to focus on being faithful today in view of that day when I stand before him, knowing that one day today will be that day.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. (Romans 8:28-29)

What exactly are you afraid of? “I’m not afraid of death, Pastor, I’m just afraid of dying.” If I had a dollar for every time someone has said that to me, I’d have a lot of dollars. Three times in my life I have been laid in a hospital bed and thought seriously I would not leave it alive. Three times in my life I have prayed what I thought would be my last prayer before seeing Christ face-to-face. Those moments are clarifying. I decided after the first time I would rather not die in a hospital bed. But I don’t have much control over that, and neither do you. I can eat my plant-based diet and avoid heart disease and diabetes, only to choke to death on a brussel sprout. I can run and exercise five or six days a week and control my weight and blood pressure, only to be hit by a car or keel over from heat stroke. Or I can become sick or injured again through circumstances outside of my control and end up, once again, in that hospital bed, praying what I think may be my last prayer, only next time maybe it will be.

It is easy to live in fear. This world is a scary place, and I have a very fragile body. God could have made us gorillas, but the man hasn’t been made who would not be torn limb from limb in hand to hand combat with a great ape. We each have a large brain with extraordinary cognitive capacity and also an easily cracked skull. God made our bodies to heal and repair themselves in ways that defy scientific understanding, but those same bodies grow weaker and more susceptible to injury and disease as long as we live. I don’t know if I have COVID or not, but I have been dying for more than 41 years. Some conditions might kill me more quickly, but being born on this side of the Fall will get the job done. Man is born to trouble, and thus man is subject to fear. But the Bible calls us away from fear, to walk by faith in God’s sovereign and saving purpose.

The Lord wrote every day of my life in his book before my life began. He wrote about the fall from a tree as a young child that wounded my pride but did not seriously hurt me. He wrote about the car crash sometime later that cracked my sister’s skull and sent several members of our family to the hospital but did not kill any of us. He wrote about the childhood illness that became a defining feature of my life and altered my path and career plans forever. He wrote about the miscarriage, about my son’s near-death experience with the same condition that afflicted me, and about the three times I lay in a hospital bed and thought I had seen my wife and children for the last time. He wrote about each of those experiences--and only he knows how many more--and he wrote them into the story so that in some way his glory would be more fully displayed and I would become more like Christ. We know, not we think, not we hope, not maybe if everything works out, we know that all things, not some things, not just good things, not most things, we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are the called according to his purpose. Even my sickness, even my suffering, even my sin, even my sorrow? Especially my sorrow. “Better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting, for that is the end of all men; and the living will take it to heart” (Ecc. 7:2).

What if everything you fear is part of God’s plan and good purpose to draw you closer to him? Because it is. What if every experience in every moment of every hour throughout every day of your life was planned by God and ordered so that nothing can ever happen that is truly, ultimately, eternally to your harm but only, always, and ultimately for your everlasting good? Because it is. What if the fear you have, which is perfectly natural, is an unspiritual, untrusting, and unnecessary response to circumstances which are completely in the control and under the oversight of the God who loves you more than you know and better than anyone in this world ever could? Because it is.

And as we stayed many days, a certain prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. When he had come to us, he took Paul’s belt, bound his own hands and feet, and said, “Thus says the Holy Spirit, ‘So shall the Jews at Jerusalem bind the man who owns this belt, and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.’ ”

Now when we heard these things, both we and those from that place pleaded with him not to go up to Jerusalem. Then Paul answered, “What do you mean by weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.”

So when he would not be persuaded, we ceased, saying, “The will of the Lord be done.”

(Acts 21:10-14)

I am not suggesting we should be indifferent to the dangers around us. I am not suggesting it is possible to be completely without worry and care. If it were possible, God would not have to command us so often in Scripture, “Do not worry; Do not be afraid,” and then continue to forgive us for disregarding what he told us not to do. I believe in taking reasonable precautions. I eat a healthy diet, exercise, lock my doors at night, and wear my seatbelt when I drive. I even wear a mask outside when the government tells me too. And none of these things will make any difference on the day God has appointed for me to die. I am not a fatalist. I believe that God works through means, and our choices are part of how he works, secondary causes that make a difference in daily outcomes. But it is his plan that governs the outcome. It is his will that guides my life, not my own.

Christians should not be reckless people, but we should live with reverent abandon. Reverent abandon recognizes that God is in control, and we can trust him with our wellbeing, our lives, our children, and our future. Reverent abandon recognizes that worry and fear are sinful, even if natural, and are responses of unbelief, not of faith. Reverent abandon recognizes that until God calls me home, I am bullet-proof, and at the hour he calls me home, no amount of preparation or protection can thwart his summons. Reverent abandon recognizes that nothing can happen to me except what he will use for the greater manifestation of his glory and the greater good of conforming me more fully to the image of his Son. He will use even the worst of experiences of my life, the most painful, the most harrowing, and the last experience that will end my life, to draw me closer to himself and more fully prepare me for glory. So what are you afraid of? COVID? Seriously?

Sing, pray, rejoice. Jesus is risen, death has been broken, and the saints of God have been justified once and forever. Love your wife, enjoy your kids, celebrate your grandkids, and pray for the great-grandkids (and great-great-grandkids) you will never know but who are already known to our Lord. Live your life with gratitude and gusto. Stop moping around like someone who has nothing to hope for beyond this life. You were not weaned on a dill pickle. You were re-created, cleansed, consecrated, adopted, and called to everlasting joy in Jesus Christ. The earth is the Lord’s and all its fullness, but he did not make it because he needed a world--he made it for you. Enjoy God’s gifts and graces. Live fully, die faithfully, and then rejoice eternally. Maybe that headache is COVID, or maybe it is a brain tumor. Who knows? As a matter of fact, God does. If he is not worried about it, why should I? --JME

Holy Excitement in Hard Times

During the 1970s, 80s, and 90s many people served an entire career in the military without ever seeing combat or firing their weapon at someone who wanted to kill them. Few service members saw action in Desert Storm, and although there were military operations in other hot spots around the world and some special operations units were called upon to serve in various crises, many who wore the uniform over a span of twenty-five years spent their entire career preparing for war but never engaging in it. This is not their fault, and there is no shame in it. They answered the call to service, and most of them served faithfully and well. Had they been called into combat, they would have gone. But as it turned out, they served during a time of peace.

September 11, 2001 changed everything. As the world watched terrorists fly planes into the Twin Towers, men and women rushed to recruiting offices and volunteered to serve. Retired service members, reservists, and those whose terms had already ended reached out to the chain of command, many of them begging for an opportunity to come back and go to war. The cowardly attack on September 11th guaranteed that America would fight a battle, and warriors who had never been under fire (and some who had) wanted in on it. Why? Is it because they were blood thirsty, violent people? Perhaps some were, but most of them were not then and are not today. But they did not join the military to spend their entire time in comfort and security. If they wanted a 9-to-5 job, they could have worked anywhere. Many of those who joined the military did so because they wanted something more: to answer a higher calling, to sacrifice for an important mission, to make a difference even if at the risk of their lives.

I have never been to war, but I understand from those who have been there that it is not pleasant. People do not sign up to risk their lives because it is fun. They go because it is important, and no matter how great the sacrifices made, injuries suffered, lifetime disabilities incurred, friends lost, horrors witnessed, many of them say they would do it again. They gladly sacrificed to serve a high and noble purpose, but do we not have a much higher and nobler calling than even this?

Darkness seems to be falling on the world around us. I must be careful as a pastor in speculating about our present circumstances, but it is not unreasonable to see a convergence of forces and opposition preparing to make war against the Church, liberty of all kinds, and western civilization itself. What that will mean for our nation, state, local community, congregations, and families remains to be seen. Whatever the second half of this year may hold, whatever recovery of stability and sanity the Lord may allow, we should expect things have changed permanently, and not for the better. We could be very fearful because of this, worrying about the future and what this will mean for our brethren, our children, and the visible Church. Or we can contact the chain of command and confess to our Commander: “I have been slack in my service and content to serve in peacetime, but now I see the danger and need of the hour, and I commit myself to You to be used as You desire to the very last measure.”

No one wants to experience persecution, not really. We may talk tough, but persecution is unpleasant, even when it does not involve physical danger or shedding blood. I have never been beaten for my faith, but I have been lied about, cursed at, and treated with contempt, and that was by brethren in the church. If professing Christians will act in these ways, what should we expect from unbelievers? But how does Scripture speak to us about such times and experiences?

“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” (Matt. 5:10-12)

Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ’s sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy. If you are reproached for the name of Christ, blessed are you, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. On their part He is blasphemed, but on your part He is glorified. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, a thief, an evildoer, or as a busybody in other people’s matters. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in this matter. (1Pet. 4:12-16)

And as we stayed many days, a certain prophet named Agabus came down from Judea. When he had come to us, he took Paul’s belt, bound his own hands and feet, and said, “Thus says the Holy Spirit, ‘So shall the Jews at Jerusalem bind the man who owns this belt, and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.’ ”

Now when we heard these things, both we and those from that place pleaded with him not to go up to Jerusalem. Then Paul answered, “What do you mean by weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.”

So when he would not be persuaded, we ceased, saying, “The will of the Lord be done.” (Acts 21:10-14)

These passages could be multiplied and supported by numerous quotations and accounts from the Church fathers who applied these instructions in their own experience of persecution, suffering, and death at the hands of their tormentors. Persecution is not a pleasant experience to be enjoyed, but it is a privilege to be embraced. Hardships are not easy for the body and mind, but they are valuable and productive for the sanctifying of the soul. God calls some men to glorify him in seasons of peace and prosperity, but should we flinch or turn aside when duty calls us to endure pain, poverty, public censure, or painful abuse?

The men and women who served in our armed forces in peacetime served no less honorably than those who went into battle and risked their limbs and lives in the chaos of war. But we do not tell stories about peacetime. We tell stories about D-Day, the Battle of the Bulge, the Ia Drang Valley, Fallujah, and Ramadi. We tell stories about the suffering and sacrifices of our Christian fathers and mothers: Polycarp, Perpetua and Felicity, John Huss, William Tyndale, John Bunyan, and Jim Elliot. Have we forgotten Hugh Latimer’s words to Nicolas Ridley as the fire was lit at the foot of the stakes to which they were chained? “Be of good cheer, Ridley; and play the man. We shall this day, by God's grace, light up such a candle in England, as I trust, will never be put out.”

It may be unlikely that any of us suffer physical harm from the changes sweeping across our nation, but eventually such persecution will come to the Church in the US as it has in every other place where the gospel has gone. In the meantime, we should gird our hearts with an holy excitement. We are living in the midst of historic and remarkable circumstances, and we are called to serve our Lord with faith, humility, and gratitude, even if in uncertainty, danger, and distress. “If you are reproached for the Name of Christ, blessed are you” (1Pet. 4:14). May God give us hearts to believe and embrace the privilege and sacred duty of confessing Christ in dark places. --JME

Unregenerate Humanity, Unconquerable Hope

‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo. 

‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. And already, Frodo, our time is beginning to look black.’

--J. R. R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, ch.2 “The Shadow of the Past”

As we continue to watch outrage and violence take over the streets of cities across the nation and now in other parts of the world, we might understandably wonder if the entire world has lost its mind. But we will not be surprised if we know the Bible’s description of unregenerate humanity. “For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another” (Tit. 3:3). Scripture is speaking self-evident truth when it declares (Rom. 3:10-18):

“There is none righteous, no, not one;

There is none who understands;

There is none who seeks after God.

They have all turned aside;

They have together become unprofitable;

There is none who does good, no, not one.

Their throat is an open tomb;

With their tongues they have practiced deceit;

The poison of asps is under their lips;

Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.

Their feet are swift to shed blood;

Destruction and misery are in their ways;

And the way of peace they have not known.

There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

Violent, proud, hateful, slaves to lust, without fear of God. You don’t have to be a religious person to believe the Bible’s depiction--in fact, a number of religious people are making fools of themselves right now by denying the nature and wickedness of current events and outraged evildoers in order to sound “super-spiritual.” But conflict and controversy does not change one’s character and values; it reveals them. We are witnessing the societal consequences of abandoning a biblical view of creation, humanity, sin, and justice. We are also discovering how close unregenerate people are to barbarism and brutality, and how quickly they will become violent and demonic if the restraints imposed by the threat of law and order are withdrawn.

“Certain new theologians dispute original sin, which is the only part of Christian theology that can really be proved.” --G. K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy (Whitaker, 2013), 11

The breakdown of social order is not a blow to Christian faith; it is a confirmation of its doctrine and worldview. Our faith should not be rattled by seeing our neighbors acting like madmen; we should be humbled recognizing that, before the grace of God effectually intervened, we too were “by nature children of wrath, just as the others” (Eph. 2:3). Of all people in this world, Christians ought to be able to observe events over the last four months with calm, contented composure. After all, we know man as he is, by creation, by sin, and by redemption. We know what man is capable of, and if we forgot, providence has given us an inconvenient reminder.

“After all, man is that being who invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the Lord’s Prayer or the Shema Yisrael on his lips.”

--Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (Beacon, 2006), 134

But we also know the sovereign God who created, sustains, and orders all things according to his secret purpose and ultimate good will.

Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.” (Rev. 21:1-5)

God’s Spirit uses Scripture to make us wise, experience to make us humble, and the cross to make us hopeful. God’s word is true, even in its description and prediction of dark days and the worst aspects of humanity. But God’s promises are also true.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28)

Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall,

But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength;

They shall mount up with wings like eagles,

They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. (Isa. 40:30-31)

“Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Jos. 1:9)

He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Heb. 13:5b-6)

We do not profit by wishing for what might have been or wondering with anxiety what will be. We fix our eyes on Jesus, our hearts on glory, and our minds on the duty that lies before us. --JME