Here I am at home on the Lord’s Day, again, not because I am sick, not because a member of my family has proven to be, but because of a potential exposure to COVID and caution while awaiting test results. This is the second time this has happened this year. I hope it is the last. But it may not be. The truth is any one of us could be exposed to COVID or any number of other dangerous pathogens on almost any day of the week. I interact with countless people from Monday to Saturday, some in close proximity, and not all of them masked. I could easily contract COVID or the flu or pink eye or head lice from any number of sources or the bipedal petri dishes known as children. But Saturday afternoon a pastoral house call placed me in proximity to someone who thought they had a simple head cold. We stayed more than 6 feet apart the entire time. I didn’t even give them a fist bump of fellowship or that weird chicken wing thing all of the older folks at church want me to do. When my host spiked a fever not long after my departure and a trip to Urgent Care warned that the symptoms sounded a lot like COVID, I was informed and the elders had to make a decision on a Saturday evening about my participation on the Lord’s Day, which is how I came to worship at home with my family this morning wearing a t-shirt and cargo shorts. (You’ll be glad to know it was a Christian t-shirt with the text of John 1:1 printed on the front in Greek.)
I confess that I am more than a little fatigued and frustrated with our continuing COVID-craziness. I don’t doubt the virus is real and constitutes a real threat to the health and wellbeing of a certain percentage of the population. I have friends and family members who have been ill with it. I have presided at a funeral which resulted from it. But panic-stirring by the media, dubious reporting of cases numbers and deaths, and opportunistic overreach by government authorities in the midst of the “pandemic” make it hard to accept the ongoing level of popular fear concerning sickness. As hard as it may be to believe, some people still get sick from illnesses other than COVID. Some people cough because they have allergies. And most people who contract COVID--the overwhelming majority, in fact--will have very mild symptoms, if any, and recover fully and relatively quickly. God appointed the day of our birth and the hour and exact means of our death long before any of us came into this world (Ps. 139:16). He may have commissioned COVID to kill some of us, but it is certain the virus cannot change in any respect his original plan.
There are terrible dangers at present, but infection by COVID is among the least of them. There is the danger of anxiety and fear, constant worry about our health and lives, as if this will preserve us from harm or help us in any way. Your blood pressure may be in greater danger from worrying about COVID than your lungs are from the virus itself. There is the danger of fear causing us to withdraw from each other, making us reluctant to love, connect, and support when and where our brethren and neighbors need us to. It is not surprising that domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse, and suicides have all spiked since the COVID crisis, lockdowns, and social distancing began. There is also the danger of callous carelessness, of arrogance masquerading as faith which prompts us to behave foolishly and so cause harm to those most vulnerable around us. I interact every week with a number of elderly persons, some in their 80s and 90s, and at least one who is 102. Of course it is possible God decreed long ago that I would be the germ carrier to transmit fatal disease to one of these persons, but I would rather assume he appointed me the careful, thoughtful pastor to love, pray with, and encourage them as a herald of Christ rather than a harbinger of death. I have a social responsibility to my neighbor, and even if the risks are small, I don’t randomly fire guns into the air since what goes up must eventually come down, and who knows on whose head it may land.
Last night when we made the decision that I would stay home today, I was not happy. It was not forced upon me. I made the decision, with the ruling elders’ counsel and blessing. But I was not happy about it then, and I am not happy about it now. (Just ask my wife. I’ve been in a bad mood ever since. On second thought, don’t ask her. Just go on believing I am never grumpy.) I could rationalize being in the assembly. I could stay ten feet away from everyone. The chance of my infection is small. We don’t even know the person I met with has the virus. Maybe we’re all worrying about nothing! But if I did contract the virus, and if someone else at the church became ill, even if not as a result of contact with me, it would be reasonable to ask why I didn’t simply stay home. So I did, and even if I am not happy about it, I don’t doubt it was the right thing to do in this case.
Now let’s take that rationale one step further back. Why didn’t I simply stay home yesterday rather than making a house call when someone had a cold? The family made it clear they would be willing to talk on the phone or over Zoom. It’s not as though I had to be there to shake hands or hug as we prayed; we didn’t have any physical contact. We could have stayed miles apart and simply touched our computer screens in a gesture of e-fellowship. I visit and pray with people by phone and video every week, and I’m sure I will continue to do so. But God called me to be a pastor, and shepherds can’t protect, feed, and lead their flock by digital interface from the safety of headquarters. A shepherd sleeps in the field with his sheep. He faces the same weather, the same predators, and the same rough terrain that the flock must endure. I suppose I could create a policy not to make house calls if anyone is sick, even if they think it is only a cold. But that will make it difficult to answer calls from the hospital to come and minister to strangers. They never seem to go to the hospital when they are well, and they rarely call an unknown pastor to come and pray for them until they are dying.
If we assume every sniffle is COVID, we will live constantly in an unhealthy (and sinful) state of fear. If we disregard credible symptoms when they appear, then we endanger our neighbor in an irresponsible (and sinful) way. Both I and the family I visited were trying to navigate competing concerns yesterday. They were not irresponsible to ask their pastor to come, and I remain unconvinced I was irresponsible to go. Our society conditions us to assign blame whenever something unfortunate or inconvenient happens, but this is foolish and unprofitable. We should rather take reasonable precautions, trust each outcome is governed by the sovereign providence of God, and live with reverent (not reckless) abandon.
We will know in a day or two whether there was really any danger to my attending worship today. If there was not, some will second guess my decision to stay home. Some are probably already second guessing the choices that put me potentially in harm’s way. I sympathize with your frustration. I always second guess everything. But that is no more commendable or useful than the person who has no rearview mirror and never re-examines his choices or learns anything from his mistakes. You cannot drive safely forward if you only ever look in the mirror behind you, and if you never look in the mirror behind you, you are the kind of driver who will run over debris, dogs, and other drivers to the detriment of your own journey and those around you. Listen, look, learn, but continue to live. The life God calls us to is an adventure. Meditating on fear and frustration will only be an impediment to living that adventure with joyful faith.--JME
