When the Lord said he would make a helper (helpmeet) suitable for Adam, he used a word the OT also uses to describe Yahweh’s relationship to Israel. Yahweh is the helper of his people, and Eve would be the helper of her husband, Adam. Far from a demeaning word, it is an honorable term designating the wife’s unique covenantal status. There are differences, of course. Yahweh condescends to help his people, while Eve is equal to her husband in value and person. But she would fill a role no other creature could. A man may be well-served by his dog, his horse, and his livestock. He may benefit from the brotherhood and shared labors of other men. But none of them can ever be to and for him what his wife is to be.
The Lord knew Adam’s need could not be met by a beast, but Adam did not know that, so God led Adam on an exercise in observation. He brought all of the beasts and birds before Adam, and the man bestowed names on each of them in an exercise of his kingly rule over Eden. Adam must have seen that most of these animals came in pairs: male and female. But there was no female in the human species to share life with Adam in the garden. Adam must have also noticed that although he could talk with several of the beasts--I’m sure you know that animals could talk before the Fall--none of them were his equal in terms of intellect and moral awareness. What was Adam to do? A king needed a queen, especially one who was given a divine commission to fill and subdue the earth. Adam had been alive less than one day and already his kingdom was troubled. The first problem in the history of the world was the absence of a woman to help man in doing the work God assigned to him.
What did Adam do? He took a nap. (I’ve sometimes found this to be very helpful when facing a vexing problem that you cannot find a solution to.) In this case, God put Adam into a deep sleep, opened his side, removed a rib, and fashioned a woman from man’s own body. When Adam awoke and saw her, he was overwhelmed. This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. Where there had once been one man there were now two people, a man and a woman, destined to be reunited in covenantal and spiritual communion as husband and wife. Eve would be for Adam what no beast or bird ever could be. She would meet his needs in a way that not even another brother could. She would be more than a partner. She would be a covenant companion, co-worker, lover, and Adam’s glory (1Cor. 11:7).
Man is well-served by the lower animals in creation, but there are two things a husband and wife share that man can never enjoy with a beast or a brother. The first is rather obvious: procreation. Adam and Eve were commanded to be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. That command cannot be obeyed except with a woman, the perversity of our present society notwithstanding. Nor can this command be fulfilled by fornication which may produce offspring but can never lead to godly fruitfulness and dominion. Only in partnership with a lawfully wedded wife can man obey God’s word to multiply, subdue, and rule over the world.
The second responsibility that man shares in a unique way with his wife may be less obvious, and that is the responsibility of prayer. All creation worships the Maker; even the demons believe and tremble. Sinful man is the lone exception. But man was made as the image of God for the purpose of worshipping and glorifying God. The beasts may worship God, but they do not join man in prayer in doing so. It is true that two men may pray together. In fact, churches are formed when groups of men gather in one place to worship the Lord. But a church is not a family, even though it is a visible gathering of the family of God, and men in the same congregation or even living under the same roof cannot give to God the worship that is fundamental to human society: family worship. Only in and through marriage can man offer a life of fruitful, multi-generational prayer to God. A monastic may devote his life to prayer, but when he dies, the fire on the altar goes out. But Adam and Noah and Abraham and Moses and David worshipped God with their wives, and their offspring continue to offer prayer to God every hour around the world to this day. There are churches in cities because there is first prayer in Christian households. See the progression in the Book of Acts. Cornelius and his household believe in Christ, and a church is established. The Philippian jailer and his household believe in Christ, and the church in Philippi grows. A lone individual may offer prayer and worship to God. But only Christian households, led in prayer by a father and mother, can bring multi-generational communities of faith into existence. The Church’s worship is supported and fueled by the worship of families during the week. Husbands and wives are joined in marriage for more than just procreation. They are joined because God wants godly offspring, children who learn to pray at home.
N--- and T---, the Lord is joining you together not merely for companionship, but for spiritual service in his kingdom. He unites you by covenant because it is not good for man to be alone. The task he has given you is much larger than either of you could ever accomplish on your own. That work is more than building a career, or a house to live in, or a retirement account so that one day you can afford to visit your grandchildren. He has called you to a life of prayer, a life of worship, a life of shared service in his kingdom, living with joy under the rule of our Lord.
Your marriage is a precious thing, something the world you live in cannot understand and, sadly, something many churches you may attend will not really understand either. This relationship is not based on mutual attraction, as pleasant as that may be. It is not based on mutual interests, as helpful as those may be. It is based on a gracious covenant, an understanding that you have been sent by God to the wilderness so that wilderness may become a garden and then a city. You cannot accomplish this by what you do. Like Adam, the first step in facing this insurmountable problem is to rest, to rest in Christ, and to know that God will do what you cannot in your own strength or resourcefulness.
Jesus fell asleep on the cross and his side was torn open so that by means of water and blood the Church, his Bride, might come into being. Christ is the Last Adam, the one who succeeded where our father failed. His victory ensures your victory. Because he has been glorified, you also will be glorified. This is the story that supports your marriage. You have no greater obligation, no greater task, and no greater joy than to live a life of prayer and service together in the presence of God and for his glory. May he always bless you in doing so. Amen. --JME
