A Parable of Church Unity (?)

A friend of mine shared this on his blog recently. I have adapted it, with his permission, for my own religious heritage. The names may change, but the sectarian attitudes which contaminate many churches today remains the same. -JME


A Parable of Church Unity

I was walking across a bridge recently. I spied this fellow who looked like he was ready to jump off. So, I thought I’d try to stall him until the authorities showed up. “Don’t jump!” I said. “Why not?” he said. “Nobody loves me.”

“God loves you.” I said. “You believe in God, don’t you?”

“Yes, I believe in God,” he said.

“Good,” I said, “Are you Christian or Jewish?”

“Christian,” he said.

“Me, too!” I said, “Protestant or Catholic?”

“Neither,” he said.

“What then?” I said.

“Church of Christ,” he said.

“Me, too!” I said. “Non-Institutional Church of Christ or Mainline Church of Christ?”

“Non-Institutional Church of Christ,” he said.

“Me, too! Liberal, Florida College-loving, Non-Institutional Church of Christ or Conservative, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ?”

“Conservative, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ,” he said.

“Me, too!” I said. “Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ or Digressive Congregational Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ?”

“Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ,” he said.

“Me, too!” I said. “Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ or One Extended Service on Sundays, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ?”

“Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ,” he said.

“Me too!” I said. “Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women Wearing Slacks, Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ or Compromising Fundamentalist Not Against Women Wearing Slacks, Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ.”

“Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women Wearing Slacks, Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ,” he said.

“Me, too!” I said. “One-Cup, No Bible Class, Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women Wearing Slacks, Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ or Multiple Cups, Separated Bible Classes, Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women Wearing Slacks, Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ?”

“Multiple Cups, Separated Bible Classes, Unashamed Fundamentalist Against Women Wearing Slacks, Morning and Evening Services Every Sunday, Men’s Business Meetings, Anti-FC, Non-Institutional Church of Christ” he said.

“Auugghh!! You Heretic! What is this world coming to?” I said. And then I pushed him over.