Everyone has seen it, some of you in your own households. A pint-sized descendant of Adam begins to misbehave. His weary and aggrieved mother expresses her wish that he would pursue a path of virtue, but to no avail. The child’s invertebrate father tries to look stern but fails. The mother pleads. The father attempts to rebuke, but it comes out as a whine. Finally one of them begins to count. The child is screaming like a banshee, not in pain but in rage, because the cat declined to participate in the toddler’s plan to give him a ride inside the dryer. And the parents have decided this is an excellent moment to demonstrate to their aspiring juvenile delinquent that they can count to three or, if that doesn’t work, to five. You thought you would never use what you learned in math class. Little did you know it was actually a course on parenting. Meanwhile, the little terrorist continues his jihad against parental authority, confident no one in the family has any or the will to do anything to him.
Behavioral conditioning is easy and effective. Reward whatever you want more of, disincentivize whatever you don’t. In the above example, the child has been thoroughly trained, trained to do as he pleases, trained to manipulate his parents at will, trained not to fear the authority of big people. Their determination to recite the 1+1 table has never hurt him at all. The parents have also been trained, just like a dog. When counting doesn’t work, they will become angry. When anger fails, they will begin to despair. If they are in public, embarrassment will grow. Eventually the child will be bribed. He’s not holding out just to see how much math his parents know. He’s in it for the candy, and he knows from long experience that if he holds out a little longer, he’ll get some. Any parent who counts will bribe. If the tot-sized tyrant is really strong, he may even get ice cream.
These are not parents. They are hostages, slaves of an unrelenting despot. When he screams, they jump. If he demands, they comply. Their policy is appeasement. They only hope to keep him quiet until he turns 35 and moves away from home.
Elizabeth City, NC has been on lockdown, but not because of violent protests. The city went on lockdown before the protests began, because city officials assumed protests would begin. A black man, Andrew Brown Jr., was shot and killed by police. The opening paragraph from the Associated Press introduces us to the man we must assume to be the victim.
Andrew Brown Jr.’s easy smile, which belied hardship, loss and troubles with the law, was memorable for his dimples, his relatives said. He was quick to crack a joke at the family gatherings he tried not to miss after losing both of his parents. He encouraged his children to make good grades even though he dropped out of high school himself. Above all, he was determined to give them a better life than he had. --AP, April 22, 2021
Brown had a thirty year history with law enforcement and a 180-page rap sheet. The warrant being executed when he was killed identified him as a dealer of crack cocaine, cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamines. A confidential informant affirmed he had been buying drugs from Brown for over a year prior to the bust. Evidently drug dealers have dimples too.
Mr. Brown is dead, and time will tell whether shooting him was justified or not. The family has already announced his death was an “execution.” If the officer(s) involved were not justified in shooting Mr. Brown, they should be arrested, tried, and punished. If further details emerge which prove his shooting was justified, Mr. Brown’s family should repent and publicly apologize for slander. In either case, the Brown family should apologize for their recklessness.
This brief reflection is not about Mr. Brown’s death. It is about the city’s reaction to it. When it was announced that bodycam footage of the incident would be shown to the Brown family, city leaders immediately began shutting down parts of the city in anticipation of violence. They took for granted there would be peaceful protests, the kind of peaceful protests that involve vandalizing, looting, and assault, the kind that require businesses to board up, hunker down, and hope their establishment will survive. They locked the city down before anything happened, because they assumed it would, because they agreed to show bodycam footage to the family, the same family that already knows enough about the case before the investigation to assure us it was an execution.
If you assume your two year old will be terrible, he will be. If you expect your teenager to rebel, she will. And if you expect violence in a city in the aftermath of a police shooting, you will have it. City officials closed streets, established a curfew, and warned protesters they had to go home when it was over. The magistrates had a very stern expression on their face when they said it. Obviously they really mean it. There is no word on whether anyone had to count.
You may say the authorities are only being realistic. So is the parent of a toddler in the middle of a meltdown. Of course you cannot give them whatever they want every time they pitch a fit, but we have to do what is necessary to survive the moment and get out of Wal-Mart with mom and dad’s dignity intact. We don’t want other people to think we have bad children or that we are ineffective parents.
City officials might have considered another approach in the aftermath of the Brown shooting. They could have offered their condolences to Mr. Brown’s family and informed the public that there will be an investigation, as in every other police shooting. The investigation will seek to identify things known as facts. This will involve evidence, due process, and accountability to the chain of command and external systems of review. At the end of the investigation, a decision will be made. If the shooting was unjustified, the parties responsible will be appropriately disciplined or charged. If the shooting was justified, the matter will be closed. At no point in the process will violence be tolerated. Constitutionally protected speech is always welcome. Demonstrations must be peaceful. Local businesses should not be impeded. Local citizens should not be threatened or harmed. There should be no reckless accusations which might further inflame the populace and incite violence, such as characterizing the shooting as an execution. That would be irresponsible prior to an investigation. If demonstrations are not peaceful, those responsible will be cited and fined for disturbing the peace. If there is looting or vandalism, those who participate will go to jail. If there is violence, officers will use force to stop it, up to and including the use of deadly force. Tantrums will not be tolerated. Act up, and you will be put down.
You should not mollycoddle toddlers who are acting like terrorists. You must not treat angry and irresponsible citizens that way. The magistrates of Elizabeth City had an opportunity to lead with strength and exercise authority in a godly and beneficial way. Instead, they boarded up the town in anticipation of a tantrum. They have been well-trained. --JME
I wrote along similar and complementary lines last year in “Cultivating Indifference.”
